Thursday, 19 December 2013

The Aspirational Lambic Awards!

It's that time of year again, cue random people throwing up in random places, the office snog you people wish you never had and once a year amateur drinkers invading your personal space in the pokey craft boozer that they never knew existed!

The golden pint awards are in full flow now everybody is starting to realise just how insignificant they are because they're not on anyones awards list (hint fucking hint people!!)

FEAR NOT! I am here to save you all, if you want an award just ask for one, after all it's meaningless horseshit isn't it?

My awards are a little different this year as you can see from the title. i aim to please after all! Without further ado then, here are my Aspirational Lambic Awards….

BEST BULLSHIT IN 140 CHARACTERS : Why @LetTherebeTim of course! - you should all follow him if you're on Twitter.

WOULDN'T SERVE IT TO MY WORST ENEMY : Sam Adams Boston(ahem! Kent) Lager.

SKINNY JEANED, CRAFT LAGER SWILLING HIPSTER : @Natedawg - he bought skinny jeans, he's jumped his shark. Traitorous fucker.

MOST BORING BEER STYLE : If i see another fucking Saison in London…

TASTES LIKE VINEGAR : Sarsons obvs...

HAPPY MISTAKES : Any collab by Melissa ;) x

MORE LIES THAN ANY POLITICIAN YOU'VE EVER IGNORED! : Let There Be Beer. - I have never wanted to put my fist through my laptop so much in my life. I feel dirty having the link on my blog if i'm being honest.

YOU THINK IT WAS THE KEBAB THAT GAVE YOU THE SHITS BUT YOU'RE NOT ENTIRELY CONVINCED : The shots of Sambucca in that 'spoons the other night….

I'D RATHER HAVE A CARLING : Yeah right!

GO HOME YOU'RE DRUNK! : Me actually, ha! losers! Close runner up - Natedawg - You've seen his tweets, the guy's a piss artist!

IF IT LOOKS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE IT'S PROBABLY A LIE :  The definition of craft beer in the UK.

So there it is, like i said, if you feel left out and ignored by all means ask for an award and i'll happily ignore the fuck out of you.

Happy Jesus Birthday everyone!

3 comments:

Professor Pie-Tin said...

Four fucks in one blog ?
That's more than Cooking Lager has in a year.
Wahaay !
Happy Chrimbo.

Glyn Roberts said...

only fucking 4?! Damn! Happy Christmas PPT!

Cooking Lager said...

Well, Pie Tin, yer missus fell out with me after wiping myself on yer curtains :(