Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Aspirational Lambic Awards 2014

I'm here to amuse myself so I'm doing these again this year. By all means be boring and do a Golden Pints award(sounds like you're enjoying your piss too much though), these are the real awards people have been waiting for; the Raspberries to your Oscars, the AVN's to your Golden Globes, the Johnstons Paint Trophy to your FA Cup...

This year was particularly difficult as i was struck by the challenge of looking at recreating last years categories or creating completely new ones whilst not actually giving a shit about any of them! Eventually I decided that a mix of old and new would probably be more interesting for me er...you, Fearless Reader, so without any further ado, here are The Aspirational Lambic Awards, 2014!!

The Shia LeBeouf Award for Originality goes to : Anyone that's grown a fucking beard this year! and yes, I am jealous that my naturally Peter Pan looks don't allow this!

Best Bullshit in 140 Characters : The double act of @totalcurtis & @ChrisHallBeer has been particularly relentless this year.

Most Boring Beer Style : Craft Lager of course! Especially the Indian Pale Kind!

How Many Craft Breweries Do We Have To Buy Before People Realise We're Craft? : AB Inbev or whatever it's called now.

Best Deserter of Normal Job For Job in The Beer Industry : NateDawg OF COURSE! Congrats dude, you'll have no life in no time!

There Must Be A Way To Use This Brewery As a Front For Illegal Activities... : You might know already, I couldn't possibly comment.

I'd Rather Have a Carling : Than anything from Greed Kerching.

The Dinosaur Award Because This Is All A Bit Tongue-In-Cheek : In A Pub Magazine and those toilets.

You Might As Well Read His Blog, Everyone Else Keeps Giving Him Awards So I Will Too! : Martyn Cornell.

The UKIP Award For Not Really Being Beer Nazis : Ratebeer.

So there they are, as i said last year, if you feel left out and really want an award, i'm unemployed now so cold, hard cash will work.

Peace and goodwill towards those who are less intelligent than you. i.e me.

2 comments:

Matthew Curtis said...

*Sniffs*... Dude... *wipes tear from eye*. I'm honoured.

Glyn Roberts said...

;-)