Tuesday 9 May 2017

Carlsberg to Find the Right Craft Beer Accessories!

Danish macro brewer, Carlsberg announced yesterday that they're going to start buying UK craft breweries, in a desperate bid to keep up with mega-piss-producing Anhauser-Busch-InBev-SAB-Whatever and Heineken; but it's only going to buy breweries it can afford.

The UK arm of the Danish beer giant (it's bigger than Mikkeller and Evil Twin combined!) could be ready to acquire a UK Craft brewery later this year or early next year according to it's chief executive Julian Momen in a podcast he only bothered sending to the Publican Morning Advertiser; he just has to check his pocket change first.

He said "What we know is that an international craft brewery are absolutely the must have
Craft beer, this seasons must have accessory!
accessories this season, all the big boys are sporting them now and we need to be seen out wearing the right bling"

Momen continues 'Local craft in the UK is actually growing faster than international craft and it doesn't exist in our portfolio right now so we're looking a bit like a sixteen year old chav from Croydon wearing fake gold teeth".


A whole range of options are being assessed at the moment and whilst the CEO refused to reveal any specific details of which UK craft breweries they're looking at, the likes of Firebrand, Watneys and Julio Utter-Bastard's Poppy Fields were amongst the favourites.

"There are so many breweries to choose from, it's a virtual smorgasbord so it's about finding the right one in the right location as we are only taking our first steps into the craft sector" 

Carlsberg recently acquired the rights to sell Brooklyn in the UK "it really made us sit up and look at what craft beer is, we had no fucking idea!" Momen enthused "getting the rights to Brooklyn made us look all crafty and now we've had a taste we want more!".