Beer Blagger Overdoes it Watching the London Marathon

A beer blagger today had to go and have a lie down after becoming exhausted from watching lots of

Rancidbarfly rehydrates after a taxing
session watching the London Marathon.

awesome folks running the London Marathon.

Idiot beer blagger, Rancidbarfly was taking time out from being generally shit at life to watch thousands of people raise money for charities and be all generally awesome and inspiring but he only managed to get wheezy and sweaty just from watching the event on television.

"Things came to a head around 23 miles into it and I started feeling dizzy and had to go and have a lie down for a few minutes" he said sweating profusely and taking a drag from his Ventolin inhaler.

With nearly record temperatures outside and a lounge window that gets the sun all day, our hero decided to get the full London Marathon effect by turning up all the heating in his flat too. "If this didn't help me lose my beer belly I don't know what will!" he exclaimed profoundly.

Luckily for Rancidbarfly he had a fridge full of crafty beers with which to rehydrate and he was back in the race after a quick power nap!

Fireball in Sky Causes Surge in Staff Sickness

A natural occurrence today caused an outbreak of heatstroke in bartenders everywhere. The

Staff at the Snake in the Craft attempt self medication during heatwave

phenomenon known only as 'the sun' is a well known cause of sick days everywhere and this year it seems bartenders have been particularly badly affected.

Sitting in his local crafty beer dive, The Snake in the Craft, beer blagger Rancidbarfly noted that it was taking an inordinately long time to get served due to the utter lack of staff behind the bar.
Whilst waiting for the lone bar tender to get round to him he noticed one member of staff actually waiting to be served.

"When I asked whether or not the member of staff should be serving instead of drinking I was told 'I'm taking a sick day, innit. I've got heatstroke' and it seemed completely plausible to me due to the temperature rocketing to a yearly high of 23 degrees outside". He continued "I felt so sorry for the poor lad that I even bought him the lager shandy he was waiting for and told him to get well soon and stay hydrated by drinking lots of fluids".

With the heatwave expected to last all week pubs and bars are bracing themselves for more staff shortages and have started calling in agency staff in an attempt to get customers served more quickly but customers will have to bear the brunt with prices expected to go up even further to help pay for them. On the plus side nobody is dying of radiation poisoning brought on by the nuclear fallout from Donald Trump's latest tweets; yet.

Thoughts And Prayers Enough To Clean Lines

Staff at crafty beer emporium The Snake in the Craft have been told by their head office staff to clean

A typical crafty beer

their beer lines by offering thoughts and prayers.

In a desperately corporate bid to save money the beancounters at the Snake in the Craft head office argued that because most crafty brews are cloudy as fuck no-one would notice if the beer was shit or not.

One member of head office, who refused to be named so we called him Bob the Beancounter was quoted as saying "with the rise of cloudy craft beers we believe that thoughts and prayers are a much more effective way of cleaning the lines whilst also being a great way to save money that could be spent better elsewhere in the business, like beer mats or novelty hats"

When asked about the potential for yeast build up and therefore fobbing and beer wastage Bob the Beancounter shook his head wisely and just answered "who doesn't like a head on their beer?" All these Instagramers and their IceMan pours are so out of touch with what's really going on in the beer world! Customers just don't want value for money anymore"

Bob the Beancounter went on to predict that not only was this form of line cleaning going to be the next big thing in the crafty beer world but that it could also revolutionise other vital areas of the business such as staff training, kitchen management and paying suppliers.