Wednesday 6 April 2016

Beer Blagger to Return Home For Cape Town's Sanity

Sub par beer blagger Rancidbarfly is to return home to the UK for the sake of the sanity of all in Cape Town.
Beer blagger and all round blithering caffeine addict.

The caffeine mainlining halfwit has become far too dependant on the likes of Origin coffee and Aegir Project Pale Uil; Aegir the dog breathed an enormous sigh of relief and was quoted as saying I was starting to think that fool was going to drink us out of Pale Uil, how are we supposed to turn Cape Town crafty when he's drinking all of it! And his appetite for talking absolute nonsense to the locals has become stuff of legend! Everyone else exclaimed fuck me a talking dog!

The staff at Origin coffee shop on Hudson St were equally relieved to see the back of the idiot Womble too, their shoulders visibly relaxed as they discussed their guests caffeine guzzling habits. Thank the lord he's going, i mean, we're going to miss the hundreds of Rand a week he spent here but no human being should be able to hover home two inches off the ground because of caffeine abuse, it's just not natural! Another one of the staff continued and those eyes, crazed like he was on crack or something we've never seen anything like it!

The British Guild of Beer Blaggers was said to be shocked that one of their own was being sent home in such disgrace, Chief Beer Blagger, Timmy Hopstar shook his head sadly as he was quoted as saying Rancidbarfly has always been a bit of an idiot but this is just embarrassing, as a result of this debacle we're thinking about barring all computer blaggers from the guild!

Rancidbarfly was said to be inconsolable at having to return home to grey skies and the crafty beer politics of London and was not looking forward to having to recuperate in sub standard coffee houses or mainstream bars although he was quoted as saying, if you find me in a Costa Coffee or a Brewdog bar just put me out of everyone's misery!


Timothy said...

Love it. But, you are just leaving as my Wimbledon living daughter has just flown into Cape Town.

rabidbarfly said...

if she wants a list of places to eat or drink my email is on the guild website!

Captain said...

I should visit that coffee shop sometime.