Saturday 2 April 2016

Craft Beer to be Renamed New Tooth Fairy

The Campaign Fo' Real Ale (CAMRA) was yesterday caught up in the middle of a journalistic shit-storm which had even bungling whinger, Charlie Stayt at a total loss for words.
Having been invited to explain a possible new direction for CAMRA, founding member Mikey 'Hitman' Hardcase managed to debunk the whole crafty beer myth that has been circulating for the last 30 years.
The Campaign Fo' Real Ale
When asked about crafty beer, Hardcase merely stated 'listen Stayt, you slaaag, crafty beer don't fucking exist, right! And any fucker that sez it does is gonna get a kicking!
The BBC's phone lines were instantly silent as absolutely nobody gave any fucks about what this old codger was actually saying although a couple of hipsters fainted and had to be revived by someone wafting bath salts under their noses with their Tiller hats.
Stayt's co-presenter, Naga Chilli* somewhat perplexed by the outburst asked Hardcase 'so what is crafty beer then?' this seemed to only enrage the old man further and he went ranting on about keg beer, good honest beer and luscious beer all in the same sentence. CAMRA officials all over the country tried to silence Hardcase by turning their TV's to mute but the old man just kept talking.
Charlie Stayt saved their blushes by ending the interview with a well timed snort of derision and the world got on with it's business as if nothing had happened.

The two hipsters that fainted were reported to be recovering with Jasmin tea's in a local book/coffee emporium.

*authors note : too fucking easy.


Ed said...

To be fair the term 'craft beer' is a load of bollocks.

Adrian Tierney-Jones said...

cor, more grocers’ apostrophes than the market in Chapel Street N1