Monday 23 March 2020

The Lockdown Chronicles #1

First came the plague. Then the government made a suggestion that people stop congregating in public areas, which naturally people ignored because fuck it, if they didn't feel ill then dammit if others did.
When the plague didn't miraculously end with these forthright measures laid out by a man with silly hair wearing a clown suit, said man then insisted that people stop going out to public spaces "oh well if you insist...." said the masses as they went about their business.

Soon the supermarkets had been ransacked and people were shouting at each other to stay the fuck
Unbelievably the masses forgot to buy Gin.
indoors and lockdown life was basically the same as normal life; the only difference being people use to have no money because they spent it all on beer and cocaine now they have no money because they spent it all on bog roll and penne.

Idiot beer blagger, Rancidbarfly for once is seeing the positive side of life through the rose tinted specs of self-isolation.
Talking on Twatter earlier today, our hero told of the mercy of not having to actually leave the house any more "I'm really relieved actually, what many people don't realise is that I'm not really a people person" he said sincerely.
When asked if he would miss going into pubs now that they'd been closed he replied "I'll miss telling the wife that I've nearly finished my pint, that was kind of funny, we always laughed when I came home three hours later having pissed myself in the pub, well I did, at least".

Commenting on the panic-buying in supermarkets "I mean I can see why people are buying shed loads of bog roll, they're about to start eating their own cooking again instead of getting ObeseEats deliveries every night.  I'll be ok though, I'm about to start wiping my arse on the neighbours cat".

1 comment:

Burnley Dave said...

Bog roll and penne!����