Diageo To "Partner" With St Patricks Day

Drinks giant Diageo has struck a deal to partner with St Patricks Day for ever or at least until such

time as crafty beer becomes Irish.

In a bold move designed to make all their money through Guinness in just one day during the year, Diageo have bought St Patricks Day and will force all pub goers to celebrate all things Irish by making them wear stupid hats, pretending their grandparents were Irish and making them speak in ridiculously racist falsetto faux-Irish accents whilst being force-fed Guinness for one day of the year.

St Patricks Day commented "This "partnership" is a wonderful moment for all of us who have worked so hard to get St Patricks Day to where it is today" they continued "Diageo is the perfect fit for us because they believe in getting everyone absolutely shit-faced and making as much money as possible"

A Diageo representative was quoted as saying "We're delighted to welcome St Patricks Day into our growing portfolio and we're looking forward to colouring Guinness green for many years to come"

Some people were less optimistic though "Sooner or later Diageo will realise that Ireland has proper crafty breweries and they'll start buying them, then we'll have to start forking out a mortgage to get shit-faced on Paddy's Day"

One former critic of St Patricks Day has applauded this move whilst wearing his free, ridiculous looking hat; drunken halfwit, Rancidbarfly was heard to say "Honestly, who doesn't like Guinness? It's flavourless, odourless, characterless, inoffensive to everyone and I love the way they make it green on St Patricks day!"

School Report for Taylors : Must try Harder

My new local in Streatham is Taylors, an ex-Irish pub(O'Niells I think) that now has gone the way of the high street shitty pub. The Draught beer range consists of...Guinness, Guinness Extra Cold, Fosters, Kronenbourg, Strongbow and Youngs Ordinary. There are a couple of decent beers in the fridge but nothing particularly interesting, Leffe Blond and Hoegaarden.
If you read this blog regularly you'll know that my fall back beer of choice is Guinness, I don't care which one, they taste the same to me(IE inoffensive, you can't fuck them up without REALLY trying hard). I have nothing against Wells/Youngs Ordinary, in fact in my opinion that particular beer has benefited from moving from Wandsworth, but the fact is that I have NEVER seen anyone order the Youngs in Taylors means that I for one will never be brave enough to do so.
I recently said in an interview that pubs need to try harder to keep the punters interested, I meant it too, Lazy managers and landlords are costing them their businesses and basically giving way to big pubco's who have the buying power to sustain interest in their offer. I meet my best man, his wife and my soon-to-be-wife in Taylors simply because it is close to our houses, if a manager with a bit of vision was to open somewhere in Streatham, we would probably drink there instead.
I'm having a moan today because the A-Board outside Taylors clearly states that they serve Sunday Roasts, great, they have a kitchen I thought, as my first beer post-birthday needed some food to soak it up. I go to the bar, I ask for a pint of Guinness(offered the choice of extra cold or normal, this time I went for normal)here's how the next bit of the conversation panned out...
Me : do you serve sandwiches?
Barmaid : No the kitchen will be open soon
Me : great, what time?
Barmaid : I don't know, in two or three weeks.
Two or three weeks!!!!!!! Even by the shittiest service standards that's 'a bit of a wait' for a sarnie!
For the manager/owner/operator of Taylors, if you don't have a kitchen, take the fucking A-Board in advertising it! Try a little bit harder please, don't let your business give way to your apathy, if you're willing to let that happen why are you doing it?
I went and sat down nursing a pint of Guinness and a packet of Walkers BBQ Rib flavoured crisps....rubbish!

A Drunk Diary, Episode Eighteen

Started at 4.30pm.

Drink : Watou Kapittel 3rd of a pint
abv : 6%
Units : 1.13

Drinks : Flying Dog, Doggie Style Pale Ale
abv : 4.7%
Units : 2.66

Drinks : 1/2 Nethergate IPA
abv : 3.5%
Units : 0.99

Drink : Guinness Pint
abv : 4.1%
Units : 2.32

Guinness!? I hear you collectively shout like a Greek Play's Chorus, hey it hit the spot as a great finisher I retort like the Greek play's narrator.

Total Units today : 7.1