Old Ugly Bastards Just Not Patient Enough Say Hot Young Bar Staff

Middle aged men who are reportedly becoming more and more impatient at the bar according to

"How'd you get served so quick?"
"I told the kid behind the bar i could see a bright white light"

pretty young bar staff who have only been trained to serve them if they absolutely must.

According to strict new rules of serving craft beer, Men over the age of 40 must be served in turn (last) even if they have been (luckily) acknowledged by the pretty young staff behind the bar and they must be patient whilst doing so.

Middle-aged beer blagger, Rancidbarfly was forced to make himself really uncomfortable at this local crafty beer dive, The Snake in the Craft, by holding up a £20 note in order to get served because even though bar staff had told him "With you in a minute, Buddy" 20 minutes ago he had started to get impatient.

"Hey, it's not me who makes the rules" said 21 year old barman, Tree Sap holding up his arms defensively, "these old boys need to learn that getting served in turn is a pretty persons game, nowadays, it's got nothing to do with how long you've been stood there!" he continued incredulously.

"I used to think of myself as mildly good looking in my youth" said a disgruntled Rancid "I must have been literally fooling myself into thinking i was worthy of service somewhere like this" Rancid sobbed before blowing his nose into his as yet, unused £20 note. "I'd better just leave and stop making the place look untidy"
"It's alright mate, i'll get to you eventually, we just need to make you super grateful to be drinking amongst the super hot, i've got a couple of convo's on the go and a few dozen snapchats to send but i'll get to you eventually" Tree Sap said without any hint of remorse. "Now who's next?" he shouted at an empty bar.

School Report for Taylors : Must try Harder

My new local in Streatham is Taylors, an ex-Irish pub(O'Niells I think) that now has gone the way of the high street shitty pub. The Draught beer range consists of...Guinness, Guinness Extra Cold, Fosters, Kronenbourg, Strongbow and Youngs Ordinary. There are a couple of decent beers in the fridge but nothing particularly interesting, Leffe Blond and Hoegaarden.
If you read this blog regularly you'll know that my fall back beer of choice is Guinness, I don't care which one, they taste the same to me(IE inoffensive, you can't fuck them up without REALLY trying hard). I have nothing against Wells/Youngs Ordinary, in fact in my opinion that particular beer has benefited from moving from Wandsworth, but the fact is that I have NEVER seen anyone order the Youngs in Taylors means that I for one will never be brave enough to do so.
I recently said in an interview that pubs need to try harder to keep the punters interested, I meant it too, Lazy managers and landlords are costing them their businesses and basically giving way to big pubco's who have the buying power to sustain interest in their offer. I meet my best man, his wife and my soon-to-be-wife in Taylors simply because it is close to our houses, if a manager with a bit of vision was to open somewhere in Streatham, we would probably drink there instead.
I'm having a moan today because the A-Board outside Taylors clearly states that they serve Sunday Roasts, great, they have a kitchen I thought, as my first beer post-birthday needed some food to soak it up. I go to the bar, I ask for a pint of Guinness(offered the choice of extra cold or normal, this time I went for normal)here's how the next bit of the conversation panned out...
Me : do you serve sandwiches?
Barmaid : No the kitchen will be open soon
Me : great, what time?
Barmaid : I don't know, in two or three weeks.
Two or three weeks!!!!!!! Even by the shittiest service standards that's 'a bit of a wait' for a sarnie!
For the manager/owner/operator of Taylors, if you don't have a kitchen, take the fucking A-Board in advertising it! Try a little bit harder please, don't let your business give way to your apathy, if you're willing to let that happen why are you doing it?
I went and sat down nursing a pint of Guinness and a packet of Walkers BBQ Rib flavoured crisps....rubbish!