Sunday, 22 August 2010

The Lord of the Beers, Part One

The age of brown and flat is over the age of craft beer has begun...

Not too long ago in a far away land, forged in the mash tuns, kettles and fermenters of a brewery a beer was born.
This was not just any beer though, this was a craft beer, the humans of the world had been searching for this fabled creation for many years and now craft beer was about to unleash it's hordes on the world.
The forgers of craft beer have long been waiting to take over the world and put the armies of corporate tasteless brews back into the hell they came from. This tale will tell you about one band of hardy craft brews and it's journey to the hallowed land of a beer bar not so very far from you.
The Brewmasters deemed the batch ready so they palletted it up with some other beers from the  same craft brewery which had been waiting for this batch to become ready to be unleashed!
The Brewmasters had given this one a special power, it had come out of their favourite fermenter, it had been given the special hops, magical malts the right yeast and a type of water that could only be described as the purest of the pure. It was IPA, the type of beer that made mens souls weep with joy. This beer would unite the beer drinkers of the world, it would give so much joy that wars would end, people would stop drinking mass produced watery lagers and dull brown ales and craft beer would become the choice of millions. The brewmasters chanted a long lost chant which had been created a millennia ago by their forefathers but they wanted this to capture imaginations and send people into Biervana so chant they did.

one beer to rule them all...

One Beer to rule them all,
One beer unite them,
One Beer to quench them all,
And in the beer bars, bind them.

This was the chant they kept up until the last bit of pallett wrap had been wound and the pallett loaded onto the refrigerated truck and it had disappeared into the foggy distance of the night to a special warehouse that would keep them at the right temperature until the boat arrived to take them to the promised land of Biervana. The truck was cool, there was a safety that the fellowship felt being locked up in a truck on the way their warehouse which was only about a mile a mile away, nothing could go wrong, could it?

To be continued...


Leigh said...

This the springsteen-inspired post? Will await the next installement with bated breath!!

Rabidbarfly said...

kind of, I'm just hogging the cd player whilst I can! that said, did you enjoy it?

Mark said...

Can't help but feel like this is similar to some film I once saw ...